Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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