sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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