We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
