It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
