my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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