Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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