My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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