don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
