I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
