he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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