I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
