I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My vagina just clenched in fear
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
