I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.