I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.