I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.