im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want