Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you had me at cake vodka
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
