I hate all girls vehemently.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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