You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.