Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize