Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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