the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
