from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
