my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
