I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
