Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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