so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Please, let me fuck your mom
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
