So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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