I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
