So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
