Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
