Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
