hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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