he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
