It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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