Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
