So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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