I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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