Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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