i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
