Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
