when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
