I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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