Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
