yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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