i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
false alarm, still single
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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