Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
