I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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