Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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