if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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