Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
