you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
