I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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