The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
