I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
