Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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