oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
