I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
