I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
