I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
