If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
