I faked an abortion last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
