Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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