She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
