the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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