she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
