So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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