Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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