I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
