respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
