At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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