My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
