is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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