just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
