Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
