the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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