So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize