So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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