He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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