Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
