tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
