I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize