Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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