I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
