Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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