my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
