woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
