Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier

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(770): View more from Georgia

Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.

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(269): View more from Michigan

sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.

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(207): View more from Maine

guess who has a date tonight

(401): View more from Rhode Island

look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed

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(704): View more from North Carolina

he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister

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(310): View more from California

She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL

(310): View more from California

so no, not her best night

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.

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(214): View more from Texas

I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.

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