so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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