Bisexual people are plain selfish.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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