you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
