My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
