you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
