I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
