I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
