im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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