You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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