I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
