I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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