i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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