He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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